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Inspired By Through Your Eyes Contest

I’ll never forget that dark November night Driving home on a moonless evening One minute the road ahead seemed to be clear Then you appeared from out of nowhere I tried hard to stop, slammed on the breaks But the road was wet and you went under the wheels I could feel the tyres crushing your body … There was no way you could have survived the impact I pulled the car over and started shaking Slowly opening the car door I walked to where you lay Kneeling down beside you I could see you were dying I stroked your battered face and begged for your forgiveness Your lifeblood was draining away and your eyes flickered shut Realising no one had witnessed the accident I had to act quickly I scooped your lifeless body into the boot of my car Somehow I managed to drive the few miles home Then collapsed in tears in my husband’s arms I kept repeating, there’s a body in the car, I didn’t mean to do it There’s a body in the car, I didn’t mean to do it but no one saw Trembling he went out to the car to see if what I was saying was the truth Minutes later he came back Come on; get your coat we need to bury the body in the garden Grabbing the spade he carefully dug a hole Together we placed the body of the young hedgehog to rest Inspired by Shadow’s contest – I won’t be entering the contest, as premeditated killing is not a theme I feel comfortable writing about at the moment 31st July 2016

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016




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Date: 10/8/2016 9:34:00 PM
I have to admit...this was a compelling story, though this is something I think most people have done (hit an animal by accident), though you told it so vividly, I was hanging on every word there Jan...Very nice work! MC
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Jan Allison
Date: 10/9/2016 3:51:00 AM
I love to write with a twist Marquis or pull the reader in with a title or picture that is nothing to do with the actual poem lol - I have never run over an animal but a seagull did hit a car in front of mine and it bounced off and almost hit my windscreen - that's the closest I've ever got:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 9/13/2016 5:19:00 PM
A great write Jan. I had a feeling it wasn't human. A wonderful twist.
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Jan Allison
Date: 9/14/2016 8:05:00 PM
Thanks James:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/12/2016 1:20:00 PM
This is amazing! You are so multi-talented, this story poem is a fantastic display of your wonderfully creative, mind.Your attention to detail is as precise as any artist. I can "see" your words come to life as if I am watching it on a big screen. I felt teary at the compassion towards the hedgehog, and laughed at the funny moments. The twist at the end is great.. and your "note" deepens the warm feeling throughout. A genuine pleasure to read your fine writing. blessings, lynn
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Jan Allison
Date: 8/12/2016 5:55:00 PM
Thanks for your lovely comment Lynn - I don't write for all the contests but I was inspired by this one.. had to do a different take as I didn't feel comfortable writing about murder -( I think I've done one poem on the subject in the past)but I do love watching murder mysteries on the TV lol:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/4/2016 7:06:00 AM
jan : you orphaned little hedgehogs im shocked :-)
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Jan Allison
Date: 8/6/2016 6:24:00 PM
I'm pleased to report no hedgehogs were hurt during the writing of this poem:-( hugs Jan xx
Date: 8/1/2016 10:48:00 AM
I was awaiting the end twist. I remember a family of raccoons crossing the road on a dark summer's night. All I heard was thump thump but I didn't stop as the kids were all asleep in the car.
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Jan Allison
Date: 8/1/2016 11:25:00 AM
I don't want to write about murdering anyone so went for a twist to the ending:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 7/31/2016 10:16:00 PM
Wow, you really had me going...poor hedgehog; and I thought your next poem would be written from prison...so glad it won't be. Great stuff.
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Jan Allison
Date: 8/1/2016 3:10:00 AM
LOL you won't get me locked up for murder just for my poems lol. Hugs Jan xx
Date: 7/31/2016 7:36:00 PM
You got me at the end Jan. I wasn't expecting that. Love the suspenseful humor.
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Jan Allison
Date: 8/1/2016 3:08:00 AM
Thanks Daniel although I've written poems in the past I couldn't write specifically for this contest :-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 7/31/2016 6:55:00 PM
lol! so creative and intriguing lady...I too had a very difficult time with this contest well done :)-luloo
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Jan Allison
Date: 8/1/2016 3:07:00 AM
I just couldn't write for the contest - but was inspired by it :-) hugs jan xx
Date: 7/31/2016 6:01:00 PM
jan, is this you?.. i love the dark side with a twist in the end!... i am now afraid of you;) beautiful!.. huggs
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Jan Allison
Date: 7/31/2016 6:06:00 PM
LOL No its pure fiction nette - I was inspired by the contest but couldn't write about killing anyone but had to post this with a twist at the end:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 7/31/2016 5:49:00 PM
well done, jan! i was relieved at the end that it was a hedgehog - you managed to surprise me with that!
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Jan Allison
Date: 7/31/2016 5:54:00 PM
Thanks Ilene I was inspired by the contest but couldn't even contemplate writing about how I'd kill someone:-( hugs jan xx
Date: 7/31/2016 5:47:00 PM
Hi Jan, This a good take on theme of the contest. I don't think she stipulated if it was premeditated or not. You spoke from from the eyes of a killer, although you accidentally killed a animal. Loved the unexpected twist. Well done.-7:-) Alexis
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Jan Allison
Date: 7/31/2016 5:49:00 PM
I won't be doing the contest Alexis but did this poem inspired by it:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 7/31/2016 5:25:00 PM
unfortunately where I roam there are many critters that are terminated by tires. Your write was very well written, the twist unexpected...x
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Jan Allison
Date: 7/31/2016 5:29:00 PM
Thanks Cas - i have never run over anything but my car did get hit by a seagull that had gone head first into the car in front and then landed on my car:-( hugs Jan xx
Date: 7/31/2016 4:15:00 PM
Oh Jesus Christ Superstar...You left me in suspense.I was thinking did this really happened to Jan.Or did She see too many Unsolved death Mysteries programs....Then... A sigh of relief...Not that I didnt feel bad for the poor hedgehog...But gee...I was glad it turned out that way in the end..Lol : )..A fave.
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Jan Allison
Date: 7/31/2016 4:31:00 PM
LOL Charma - I have to admit I love watching murder mysteries but to write about being a killer for a contest really isn't for me - hubby assured me running over a hedgehog isn't classed as pre meditated murder lol:-) hugs jan xx
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Charmaine Chircop
Date: 7/31/2016 4:16:00 PM
Happen not happened..Oops sorry : )
Date: 7/31/2016 3:52:00 PM
LOL great write, dont worry I wont tell PETA!!!
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Jan Allison
Date: 7/31/2016 3:53:00 PM
LOL:-) hugs Jan xx

Book: Shattered Sighs