Inadequate
I try hard, to make you understand
So we can remain friends- hand in hand
But as time moves on it all fades away
And I'm left, the inadequate fool
Often I find I cannot repress these tears at night
I fear I'm losing you my best friend...and the darkness drowns the light
I wish to hold onto what we had, for you to stay
But I am nothing but the useless inadequate tool
I cannot make you laugh, or smile, the way I used too
I am nothing now, I cannot do
Broken and forgotten I wonder alone
Every night I cry because, despite what you say, I have lost you
I was pushed aside and abandoned for those far superior
Outside helplessly flailing I am merely a memory; I the inferior
Never wanting you to be afraid or hurt, I am left on my own
And there is now nothing I can do
There was never anything that could be done
Her venomous words: “NO ONE cares...NO ONE likes you”
Hold a truth so vile and scarring it adds to my worthless
The stinging echos, “ALL your friends FAKE IT”
Burn a pain that will never heal....CAN never heal
Flighty psalms of devastating torture continue
As you; my hope, my light and saving grace, flee from me
Making every false glory, every spoken slice across the skin
More true than a haunting scream that deafens my ears
“YOU ARE NOTHING” I cannot shake her from me
She resides within the dying fragments of my mind
Where light ceases to exist and darkness births the desire to kill
I cannot be anything good and therefore you cannot save me
“You are NOTHING”
I am nothing
“YOU are WORTHLESS”
I am worthless
I have nothing to live for
All my friends are fake--
Oh please do not let it be so!
I know my inadequate life can never amount to yours
I know I can never be anything spectacular but I implore you!
Dearest friend please to not let this darkness consume me!
Erase her from my memory; clear all doubt!
Don't let me lose you in this chaotic chasm of fear
My flighty mind and eye flit about in a haze of never ending doubt
Thrown down in deplorable silence, drenched it full blood self-hatred
I am nothing, I am worthless.... I am inadequate
Often I find I cannot repress these tears at night
I fear I'm losing you my best friend...and the darkness drowns the light
I wish to hold onto what we had, for you to stay
But I am nothing but the useless inadequate tool
Selfishly I clung to you as life line-for I had no other
And the she crushed me...she stabbed me...when I thought she could be another
I, the inferior, am naught to the superior and I fade away
I –the inferior-- am the worthless nobody...the inadequate fool
Copyright © Rebecca Larkin | Year Posted 2013
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