If I Weren'T Afraid I'D

If I weren't afraid I'd still turn the lights on to keep the closet monster on his toes. I'd dangle my feet teasing the gremlin "hiding" under my bed. If I weren't afraid I'd throw off my covers and go investigate that noise down the hall. My feet whispering on the carpet my eyes adjusting to the shadows. If I weren't afraid I'd wear my bravery like a shield. My hand resolutely turning the knob slowly opening the guest bedroom door. This is where my imagination fails me the fear of the unknown freezing my synapses reminding me that I am indeed still afraid. But with no other option and no brave knight to save me. I allow no room for errant thoughts nor do I heed the thousand butterflies that have taken flight in my belly. My blankets are flung to the floor as i march determinedly down the hall. No whispering feet this time the silent approach not at all my style I forcefully push the demon door and with a very loud bang it crashes into the wall I search desperately for a weapon so that I might stand my ground against this deadly intruder. A movement out of the corner of my eye. A scream begins to build a suffocating bubble in my chest. Sassy. Really. With a mouse in her mouth no less. I want to kiss and throttle her all at the same time. I choose the kiss and a congratulations before heading back to bed. Self deprecating humor causing me to laugh out loud. My crazy b#%&* status cemented for now. For it was not courage or bravery that had me marching into terrors unknown. But my damning curiosity that will one day most definitely get me killed.