I Will Say Goodbye

I will say goodbye to the mother I never really had. Or else forever she will haunt me and make me sad. We have said goodbye before, haven’t seen her in years. It is another thing to say goodbye in the mind, to endless fears. A goodbye not to a bond. No, that was never there to be found. It is because of the painful images in which I am bound. Her denial of things that were, is like a crutch she can’t let go. A pretty painted childhood it was not, the trauma proves it so. Resolution I surely expected her to want, sometime in her life. Years of this was sought, I came up empty with only strife. All the answers I needed, she hid like a standing stoic guard. I learned my expectations could not be met, it was too hard. To reach her, to build something out of nothing to be seen. She continued on with her lies made the choice to be mean. She wanted to steal my being, hide the truth and bury me. She failed as I stand, the person I am, she sits so bitterly. So I will say goodbye to efforts in the many long miles taken. For all that has passed us by, now left in scenes forsaken. Heidi Sands