I Was

I sat in the bath 5 years of age My mother telling me someday i will find a wonderful husband That is going to take care of me. I was read stories of princes and princesses And i wondered when i get to save mine. I was 10 when my mom says that being married before Sharing my body with any boy is important. I wondered if it is the same for girls. I was 14 when i kissed someone for the first time Her touch excites me The feeling of her lips so soft how could this be wrong. The way my heart races and my lungs contract. I was 14 the first time a man touched me I felt physically sick. The twist in my stomach My brain telling my feet to run. My screams for help being drowned out by his incessant mouth. I was 16 the first time i slept with a girl. Her soft hands and the way her body moved And arched was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen. I was 17 the first time i am in an abusive relationship. he has his mind wrapped around me. The perfect cage. The only way to leave is to tear him apart. “If you leave me i will kill myself” He says “I'm sorry i wont do it again i don't know what happened” He says I come home with bruised synapses And damaged nerve tissue. I was 18 when my mother looked at Me with tears in her eyes And asked me if i was gay. I was 18 when i moved out.