I Sit and Ponder

I am comfortable with the loneliness now, I shall wear it while it works, But I shall take no oath nor solemn vow, just sit silently as it lurks. I have been reborn a hundred times, as I refuse to learn the lesson, and from the ashes a poet does rise, as I refute my own confessions. The strength that I refuse to see, becoming obvious each passing night, the power that lies in I not we, my un-extinguishable light. For chunks of heart have been torn from me, stolen, trampled then devoured, for the sake of art, uncomfortably, my pen, again, empowered. I sit and ponder why I always lose, to so many types of distress and pain, but somehow these paths I always choose, and I play out the aftermath for you again. I survive these things so that I can be whole, as I empty myself onto this screen, to make them smile my only goal, and perhaps shed a tear in between. For I will die for you all again and again, I will suffer nightmares and take medication, To truly live I must experience much pain, with self imposed dares and true dedication. My heart is warming now I feel the return, of its beat, its flow and its pace, next time it is stolen I will tell of the burn, as I slip from my next embrace. To feel such things I must take such leaps, of boundaries, of faith, and live dreams, but hold on tight to those slithers of peace, that caress me in between.