I Remember

I remember seeing a concrete pillar that dwarfed me, I remember my eyes hurt because the sun was so bright, I remember feeling the heat from the pavement reach my face, I remember scribbling loads of woollen balls on my copybook in the classroom, I remember my mother say to the nun “Well he is four now”, I remember playing with a red and cream plastic toy in bed because I was sick, I remember the nun wrapping my brother’s faeces in newspaper and sending me home with it to give to my mother, I remember kicking my legs under the bedclothes because it was Christmas Eve, I remember seeing a ghost outside my bedroom door, I remember waking up in agony seconds after I was run over by a car on the street, I remember first falling in love with the young nurse in the hospital; I was nine, I remember loving going to the dentist because it meant a day off school, I remember believing that Indians were going to attack my uncle’s farmhouse, I remember thinking cows were my aunts, I remember seeing my mother naked, I remember the way my father looked at me as he entered the room, I remember crying because my mother said no, I remember being lost in Galway, I remember being found by my mother and she laughed and stroked my hair, I remember my granny going into town and coming back with a silver gun for me, I remember my father hitting me, I remember serving mass and feeling important, I remember the granny nun, who used to let me sit on her knee, I remember being afraid of my teacher, I remember my first lie, I remember the lie was about sins I never committed but I admitted them to satisfy the priest, I remember my real sins, like stealing money from my mothers jar, I remember feeling that I was a bad person, I remember feeling ugly, I remember feeling dirty, I remember feeling hope secretly, I remember planning to run away with my brother, I remember promising to myself that I will never forget, Memories matter.