I Realize

Deep inside of my mind My emotions are ripping and tearing me apart There seems to be no solace No silence No good Feeling unwanted and used I try to understand what it was That ended it all My lack of self worth? My unwilling to trust? My unwilling to love? Me, unwilling to believe Anything good and safe will come? The complete and utter lack of caring For my happiness and self worth Is horribly unsettling How could such a thing Totally ruin a way of living Both in solitude and socializing what awful trauma happened To make me longer care I feel empty and cold But with a warm thin blanket of inner lies When the blanket finally uncovers it seems that the lies keep me sane But because of lies revealing themselves i have to stand up and face them Shoulders firm, fists clenched And start to over analyze myself Pick apart every emotion or feeling That I have ever felt or known. What happened to me That makes me this way And then I realize....