I Promise

I still get the urges, I still wanna do it, Make the wrong choices, And ruin my life, More then its already is. I still think of doing it, With out any regrets, I think of the relief, And how I might disappear, Then I wonder what happens after, When they find out, That I'm not 'ok', That I'm not 'normal' anymore. It stops me. I had a great life! Friends! A strong family! And a beautiful body, without scars, And now... I lack it all. I ruined it all! And I still get the urges! Does that make me selfish? No. It would make me selfish, If I gave into those urges. Because I don't need, It. Any of it. I can survive on my own. And I'm going to prove it to you. To all of you. I promise.