I Passed Away Last Weekend

Well, here I am. I never expected it to happen this soon, but I passed away last weekend. Stupid horse, I told them I didn't like horses, too much power for an animal that gets spooked so easily. But I blame it on the rattlesnake, I hate them too, so did the horse. Stupid snake spooked the horse and it threw me. The doctor says I died when I struck my head on a rock, busted my head wide open, he says. Well, maybe I did, how would I know, I'm dead. What really gets my goat, is lying in this box at what is supposed to be my funeral, the celebration of my life, with people remembering the 'fine fellow' I was. Who are these people anyway?! Someone must have gotten the eulogy mixed up with the funeral next door. I hear someone talking, but I don't recognize his voice. Who on earth is he talking about? Is that supposed to be me? "gentle spirit" "giving and kind", "always caring for his fellow man". Horse-pucky!! He doesn't know me very well, does he? Get someone up here who knows the real me. Tell them what I was really like, "lazy slob with no sex appeal", "cheap penny-pincher", "lousy dresser". Oh, well, Let them have their day. If they think better of me when I'm dead then when I was alive, who's it going to hurt? Just so long as you know it ain't so, I guess that's all that counts. Hey, if you happen to be driving by the cemetery, why not drop in for a visit, and bring flowers. I like orchids.