I never knew why
For what I know is poison, I drink anyway,
Not the main character of my own story,
Not the main character of anyone else's anyway.
My happiness was a game you could always win,
Through materialistic possessions,
I only really sought validation.
Validation was a sweet nectar I could never have enough of,
A supplement of hope,
To mask the self-doubt.
Oversized hoodies and baggy jeans didn't hide my insecurities,
The self-help reels I used to scroll through for hours didn't either.
I was not a claw machine of emotions, I wish I was though, I was always good at games.
I never knew why I lied, it was fun, like writing a story that you'd get to tell everyone.
I lied cause my life was too boring and too simple to be liked or to be invested in.
Weaving a story everyone believed was amusing.
I used to imagine conversations before I had them,
A coping mechanism for my very many slip-ups.
I never knew why, I never will.
Copyright © devita bhatia | Year Posted 2024
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