I Never Got the Chance To Say Goodbye

There you were. Here you were a tear falls down my eyes as I see you getting weaker. Doctors predicted 4 months to live and I was still living in a delusional world I could never quite see over that rainbow where you were gone from me. It seemed too strange to ever see my life going on without you here with me. Then the four months went by and you were still here a new treatment, a new try... but the pain keeps getting deeper. I wanted you to live forever to be my dad until the end of time and all the while I noticed that this disease was breaking you down and it hurt. If it was breakfast in the morning it was usually liquid in the bucket by lunch, you couldn't keep any food down and your favorite foods taste like garbage. I wished I could help you, I almost resented your anger when I didn't bring ketchup to put on your french fries. You claimed I was inconsiderate and then when i'd cry you'd wipe my tears and sing me songs full with lies. I always ended up forgiving you and thinking that you'd always be here tomorrow to talk to. How naive I was... almost a year went by and than each couple of weeks you were in an out of the hospital. The ambulance was at our house more than anyone else... I had to call every time you were in pain and I sat by you reassuring you things were going to be ok. But I never got the reassuring talk from you... I was too late to visit you in the hospital and I hate myself for not seeing you. By the time I visited you couldn't talk or breath on your own... The only sign of life was the monitor. I cried so hard that day and I cried for after. Hard times were coming then and I could have used reassuring words from my father. But I guess I can't fault you... I can never blame you, It just hurts me that I never got a chance to say good bye. I never got to say " I love you".