I Move Out and Only Take the Mayonnaise (

That's it, I've had it She uses Miracle Whip on her sandwich I just can't handle this, I can't take anymore I am real careful when I leave how I slam the door When I left, I took with me Not clothes or money No rare painting or the Mingh Dynasty vase Just what was in the Prenuptual, my jar of mayonnaise I don't care for the store brand, Sauer's, Blue Plate or Best Foods With Hellmann's by your side, to have a sandwich, you never have to be in the mood A BLT, can you imagine that without the B Let alone it would be just as disastrous without the LT But then again, this is America, you can fix your sandwich any old way That's why when I left, there would be no misunderstanding, I would take the mayonnaise Some kind of bagel, bread or bun, sun dried tomato, white or whole wheat Put whatever you want on the bread, but without out that one thing, it will never be complete Maybe I will become a Health Inspector and find out which brand the restaurants use If it's not my brand, I will write them up for sandwich abuse I will find out which type they use, for instance in their Tartar Sauce for their Breaded Fish Fillets Or maybe become a Divorce Lawyer to ensure that when my clients divorce they don't lose out on their mayonnaise This is a lesson I learned even though It was in Black and White in our Prenuptual It still seen its day in court My girlfriend's lawyer said quit playing hard ball, come on be a sport He further states she's willing to give you the car and your favorite 45 record by Stevie Nicks Leather and Lace I turn it all down and stick to my guns and retain custody of the mayonnaise To this day, we no longer speak to one another I got back at her, for years I have secretly shared it with her mother Is this something I should feel guilty about, show some remorse I am going to see if can marry the thing I love the most, it will never end in an ugly divorce I don't believe that I am going through a mid life crisis or some kind of phase Please RSVP me and tell me if you feel this strong about your mayonnaise