I Hate Myself

His heart was black, but I didn't know. I needed him, but he said no. Everything I ever was was stolen by his addictive drug. I gave him my love and more with a cost. I'll never get back all I've lost. I begged him to stay and love me back, but what I got in return was worse than a smack. My love now gone was lain to bed when he lied and said, "You're mine to wed." A lying snake he was, but I was still lured in by his lullaby. Six times too many I was his. Six times too many I was tricked. I hate myself, I hurt myself. I hope someday I kill myself. For taking advantage was easily executed from him to me. So, as I lie upon the floor, the blood will seep, it will pour. Until I snap back into reality , my arms will scar most erratically. I hate myself, I hurt myself. Sometimes I isolate myself. From your clutches I'll be free, but only if I flee to sea. Yet, the boat I sail will only sink, thanks to my unending misery. The waves crush my bones and cut my skin, tearing me limb from limb. I hate myself, I hurt myself. Again, I'll try to kill myself. My love has no idea what he has done to the old Destiny. But, no longer will I thrash and cut. The feelings will all melt away as soon as I kneel down to pray. My Lord has brought me up anew, but darkness Will fall back on through. Lucifer and his devilish gents will not stop, they will not rest. Until they tear my lonely heart bit by bit... apart...apart... I hate myself, I hurt myself. When will I stop disappointing myself?