I Hate

I hate the birth mark under my right eye I hate my extremely static hair I hate my big bottom lip I hate my spotty nose I hate that I have really *****y times I hate that people only remember me for my really *****y times I hate that the real *****es hate me I hate being cautious so they don’t ***** about me I hate that I cry over everything I hate that people know I cry over everything I hate that I hide from them anyway I hate that they actually don’t care I hate the fact that my brother is leaving home next year I hate the fact that I cried when he told me that I hate the fact that I hid my tears from him I hate the fact that he’s all I really have left I hate my father for making me feel like he doesn’t care about me I hate my mother for making me feel like she picked him over me I hate that my brother had to look after me when they couldn’t be bothered I hate that, in my eyes, they don’t deserve to be called mum and dad I hate that when I was younger I had to run away from my father I hate that my mother and brother left me by myself that day I hate that they left me closer to my father I hate that they went somewhere I would have felt safer I hate that I feel like my friends are slowly fading away from me I hate that I feel like I’m a third wheel I hate that I feel like my friend’s don’t trust me I hate that I feel like I can’t trust my friends I hate the feeling of loneliness I hate that I read books to escape to a world better than mine I hate that I write to create a better life than my own I hate that people want to invade that one heaven I invented I hate that people ask me why I made Katy Clover Taylor I hate that I had to make a role model for myself I hate that she is the person I desperately want to be I hate that she is the one thing I will never live up to I hate that I feel like my grades would grasp my families attention I hate that feeling of disappointment when I get a bad grade I hate feeling like I have to live up to an expectation to hold their attention I hate that I am relied on because of my grades I hate that I am an older mind trapped in a younger body I hate that I am limited in what I can do because of my age I hate not being trusted upon I hate people treating me as a kid I hate not telling people how I feel I hate hiding behind an invisible barrier I hate not being able to share how I feel with people I hate being scared that they won’t care. I hate people judging me I hate judging people I hate that feeling of giving up I hate the feeling of losing when I didn’t give up I hate the choices I have made I hate that nobody thinks I can live up to my dream I hate people thinking they are so much better than me I hate the fact that they are right I hate that I will never make a good girlfriend I hate the fact I know nobody would fall for me I hate knowing that no one would help me pick up my life I hate that it has fallen apart I hate hurting the people I love I hate them not loving me anymore I hate knowing that what I would do would hurt people I hate the fact I do it anyway I hate knowing that I do all of this I hate knowing I hate all of this I hate trying to change it I hate that I am not able to change it I hate that I try not to give up hope I hate knowing all hope is lost I hate that I still try and cling to it anyway I hate knowing I failed at that too But most of all I hate not being able to express this until now I hate that this still won’t change a thing I hate thinking that it still might I hate knowing that no one cares