I Did Not Cry

You said things were different now That we need to be allies But we have only grown apart And it's your fault Family is supposed to be forever But what has happened is he died And now you've changed And it's not for the better Who am I supposed to look up to What am I supposed to do How can I tell right from wrong When everything around me is falling apart It took me years to find my inner peace And because of you I want to do the bad thing again You've changed and it's changed me I can't keep living a lie Putting on a smile for everyone At night it takes all my strength To block out the memory 11:34AM Strangers running up the stairs, dressed like policemen "He's in there!" you point to the bedroom eyes wild .....what's going on? "I think he's dead" hysterical I did not cry I spoke with the police, told them his name Told them he had a headache the night before But otherwise everything was fine You were hysterical, but you were my mother I needed you then as I need you now Instead you cried on the couch and I took care of what you simply could not I did not cry I had to be strong They covered him with a blanket, he was lying on the floor His blood was on the pillow I reached under and stroked his hair, his forehead I said goodbye. I choked back tears, his face was cold We used to be so close Why is it that now when we need each other most All we can seem to do is butt heads I love you, and I want to feel loved too I don't have anyone but you You're supposed to be there forever But then again So was he