I Am Trapped Between Two Worlds

I am trapped between two worlds, Lord which one do I choose? I want both but one leads to an eternity without you. My heart is racing and my mind isn’t at ease, I need to make a decision so my soul can have peace. I’m fighting a battle that seems to have no end, on the one side I lose my Father, on the other I lose my friends. I’m burdened by this quest to find true happiness, something, anything that will give my soul some rest. I lay awake crying, the tears running down my cheeks. It’s like all of heaven is laughing and pointing at me. I’ve prayed and I’ve cried yet to no avail I see. You won’t even answer the questions that are plaguing me. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I breathe nothing but ice. I feel like I am in the artic when it’s winter and there is no light. It’s darkness all around me, I cant see my hand in front of my face. I try to retrace the steps to righteousness but I seem out of place. I seem not to belong, but I know I am destined to be here. So why is leaving everything behind the biggest thing that I fear? To leave everything is to gain everything but that equation doesn’t add up in my mind. Through bitterness, pain and suffering I find, that nothing I do or say is helping me make my situation better. That’s why I had to sit down and write you this letter. I figured since you won’t hear my prayers, a letter will do the trick instead. I’m all out of options and this is the last stop before the train leaves. I need to hear from you now God, I need to know my destiny. Am I wasting my time searching for you, have you already turned your back? Or is there still a second left where you’ll have mercy and let me get back on track?