I Am So Sick of Love

I am so sick of love. You said you loved me unconditionally but yet you don’t even acknowledge me. You acknowledge my flaws more than my attributes and question every decision I make as if it were for you. You ignore my individuality, trying to persuade me to be somebody other than me. This in and out, back and forth love that makes me dismiss the thought of fairytale love, because it cant exist with a love like this. I am so sick of love. That get to know you stage, were it’s that “hey how you doing, what’s your name, can I get your number.” That leads to the you can be my boo, I wanna get down wit you that makes me think I have found real love. That questionnaire that includes do you go to church and “Of course Jesus is my homeboy, we’ve been together through thick and thin”, but in the end you’re trying to get in my pants. You place my wants, desires, and needs to the back burner like unused grease and leave them there while you do what you desire thinking you are making me better but really destroying every ounce of my being. I am so sick of love. The love that makes you question your beliefs, compromise your friends, and take on your worst enemies. The one that makes you change face and forget what your father told you just so you can feel that five second embrace, and that 72 hour regret. Why is love so important anyway? I thought it was suppose to be unconditional, forgiving, passive/aggressive and kind hearted. You need me I need you, but you don’t need me. You need them and I need you to validate who I am because I have been transformed into this being that has never existed before, who is foreign to me as I am foreign to her. I am so sick of love. Love has my mind twisted and my body aching, my soul pierced with a spear and slowly dying. Is this what love is about, or am I just being irrational because my innocence has been taunted?