I Am a Couch Potato

I AM A COUCH POTATO By Roy Merritt I am a couch potato, but not russet, red or white I’m the kind of potato that sits up late at night And I watch the TV shows the shows I really dig And sit there in my chair and eat just like a pig I eat hot dogs and burgers and sometimes even fries And though we are related none of them ever cries The only problem I see the problem with this place Is how I might get more food to shove down in my face And how I might get it to come right near to me For its in my refrigerator some distance from me you see And I know if it could hear me it would no doubt balk If I dared to ask it to get up from there and walk Bring me some bologna with mustard spread on bread Bring me milk and cookies I need to be quickly fed And get me lots of sodas the sweetest ones the best The ones that keep you up you never need to rest And please tell the potty I’ll need it really soon I’ll no doubt need it morning, night, and noon So don’t stay in the restroom come near to me as well But stay far away enough so I can avoid the smell A few feet should do it and I won’t much have to try While I eat my pumpernickel and my chocolate apple pie And no doubt my big belly will turn me into a grouch As I sit here and eat content upon my couch Yes I sit here eating sealing my certain doom While I should be out and playing I’m in my living room I should be out and running or playing with a bat Instead of sitting here and getting really fat So take a fool’s advice heed my greatest fear For I know if I keep this up I won’t have many years I’ll be like most potatoes then whenever they are found I’ll be a couch potato buried beneath the ground And should they dig me up I’ll be a terrible sight And certainly something that would spoil your appetite And certainly something that would spoil your appetite Surely something to spoil your appetite