Humility

I find it odd that as soon as I asked for forgiveness for my sins they all came back on me - tenfold. My seemingly 'bad' luck was caused only by what I did to others against the will of the Lord. When I honestly repented for the wrongs I had done, I didn't ask for ev'rything to go haywire, but that's exactly what happened, because I hadn't tried to rectify my behaviors. I tried to run from them, and act like I'd ne'er really done anything wrong. I tried to shield myself from them behind a wall of lies that only created more lies. Instead of facing up to what I'd done, and try to fix it, I thought it would all just go away because I wanted to turn my life around and be a better person. I realize now that by hiding behind the hand of the Lord I only got slapped in the face even harder. I showed no respect for the laws of God or the land I live in, so I got blown apart by the bomb I lit so long ago. It's time I stop running, and face up to what I've done. Only if I'm willing to do this will the Lord show mercy on me. I must apologize, and pay the price - even if in secret. Only then will the landslide that I created rush into the sea, and be squelched by my honesty. Once I take this step, all will be well again, and I will be able to live my life in peace, knowing that I have done all I can to right my wrongs. And, when I die, the gates of Heaven will open wide, and accept me unflinchingly. Then I'll truly know I've been forgiven.