How To Throw Yourself In the Garbage

Hobbies are for losers, and habits are hobbies for the poor, But hopping into heaping piles of rubbish is haute couture. What’s in, ladies and gentlemen, is what we want thrown out, But not to own it but instead to be it is what it’s all about. I doubt the likes of the uncultured swine who read are sure to know, How to throw yourself in the garbage so here’s a do it yourself below. First we listen to the radio, turn up that Taylor Swift, And sing along as if, like her, you think you have a gift. Then we watch the television to watch the newest episode of the View, And listen to the hens upchuck their clucks on vomit’s gurgled cue. Next we watch the nightly news with Lester the Mind Molester, Whose stroke-like Fester face spits lisps like pussies named Sylvester. So then we reflect on what we’ve seen and heard in the pot that’s hardly stirred, And realize that what we prefer is to be free from the jaded herd. Yet, the only way out is through the trash, Since we need the herd to earn the cash, To pay for before we’re buried or ash, So just jump in the dump with a sassy splash.