How I Felt Before My Mom Got Well

I have not seen my mother in a while. I have these dreams where she comes back. when she comes back it feels as if I'm in a fairy tale. It's like there can be no wrong. It's as if God made us perfect. All I lost I found. The sun rose over the empty sky and made where there was a forever lasting cold night a warm bright day. An emotional nuclear bomb wiped out all hate. Breaking down the barriers of insecurity to bring out the harbored bitterness stored deep inside releasing all feelings, and there was nothing but understanding and love left. All this happened the day she came back. Then i woke from my dream to my nightmare, and I realized what i felt was like a fairy tale was just that a tale. When I woke: I could find no right, but wrong was all around. When I woke: I was no longer in Gods world of perfection, yet I found myself in the devils world of corruption. When I woke: There was no sun to bring day just cold darkness in the sky of the everlasting night. When I woke: There were many unspoken words, bottled up feelings, and bitterness stored deep in the middle of my soul. Even when I was awake she came back, but she didn’t stay and every time i waited for her when she left. When she did come back i pleaded with her to take care of my brother and sister. I let her know we needed her guidance, wisdom, love, and compassion. I weep every time she leaves, but it seems she shows no sympathy toward these needs or me because she yet keeps leaving. I get angry so angry I feel my mother is some what of a black widow, but the sorrow she caused me and my sister and brother. I would sometimes call her Queen of Black Widows. She earns this title by loving and caring for you where you can’t live without her. When I sleep i have dreams about her. Then she leaves and you can’t stop thinking about her. It overwhelms me so much I can’t breathe without her. It feels as if you die inside slowly leaving nothing but sorrow so all I can do is cry. I would go on but there’s nothing else to tell , so i wait till she comes back if she has not died i hope she took my advice and gave her life to god so she wont go to hell. This is how I felt before my mom got well.