Hiding Behind the Silence

What do we have but change? I only shine when I feel it's all coming to an end. And then it ends. You left me. Or did I leave you? I learned that I was born at a higher vibration. I don't know how much longer this can destroy me and uplift me at the same time. I fall in love so easily, and feel I will never relieve myself of this pain. It scares me. Everything. This life. Love. My perceived delusions never cease to leave me numb. Am I crazy? I will never know. I felt like I would die the other day. Was it the drugs? A spiritual epiphany? It was like a fear of death was the only thing that kept me alive. I want you back. I always will. Is the world really watching me? Am I spinning things out of control? Are we all? I am sorry. I always was and always will be. I am not god. Though a higher power is within me. I have so much fear of everything...I fear the light within me. I give this to you. What will free us? Pain and suffering... Are they in our heads? Pain overtakes me....physically, mentally, emotionally. I find order in the smallest moments but they slip away. Disorderly schizophrenia runs through my mind... Or is that yet another label of an enlightenment? How did they know? How does anyone know anything? Is it love? I feel everyone by my side yet no one at the same time. How could that be? I know I may never get enough off of my chest. Too long I was numbed out... prevented from reaching my higher vibration. Am I crazy? A few people I know will never wonder. My own parents sucking so much from me and not even knowing. I let them. I perceive it that way and destroy myself. The tears keep me sane. I know I was at the edge of this universe. I know. My knowledge is boiling up in my brain, disconnecting me from everyone. I seek to connect completely to someone but failed...? Will I find that one person? I am so tired. What will become of me? Crazy. I label myself. You broke me. I let you. I found a light within me. It was way too bright. Then I embraced you and I felt complete. Am I crazy? I don't want people to know my pain. But I want to share everything with you. I love you. I always will. I can't begin to imagine what brought me to this place. I can't begin to grasp at this situation. My heart breaks. And breaks. Nothing in this world but you. Are you okay? Have you become lost in the mess? I love you. I miss u.