Hell of Addiction

I was real tempted to write this in a rhyme Because it’s just the most natural to me However the pure hell I feel this morning Keeps me from doing so I have over five years clean and sober Five years clean after twenty-five years Of being a Junkie, convict and a cook I have tried so hard to use myself as an example Of what not to be As well as what to be If that makes any sense at all You see I’m trembling as tears flow this morning Freely down my face Last night was the hardest night In my life of recovery I had a dream and in my dream I made up a big shot, my own special speedball Then I did the whole hundred CCs As I went out in my dream I woke up in my life Shaking like a leaf on a tree Right as the hurricane hits the shore My wife woke up because suddenly I was hot As lava flowing from an erupting Volcano And I got violently ill This was around midnight last night It’s now eight A.M. and I just quit shaking Enough to write this out Sometimes the comfort I find in my poetry Is a comfort I haven’t felt Since my mother last held me in her arms When I was just four I wrote this out as a warning to others who follow So they can mentally prepare themselves For the simple fact that long after The physical addiction is gone and forgot The devil will crawl inside their dreams Trying to lure them back into the pure Hell of Addiction Yesterday I made plans with my daughter Sarah to spend a few days together at a Clearlake midway between where we live. My earlier post I wrote yesterday after her i and I talked. The Devil knows that my Children and my desire to be the dad I should be for them is the main motivating factor in my recovery so he tried hard to take me back out last night. Praise be the power of God for today I'm still clean and stronger from the test. I'm sorry I was compelled to write and post this for I know it can't be enjoyable to read. I've cancelled all my appointments today for I just feel I need to pray and rest. God Bless you all