Had To Get This Off My Chest

There is something inside me that is afraid. I'm not sure what it is, but it makes me fade. I think its from what I learned as a kid, it was rough. From a young age, I saw my best wasn't good enough. I was never great at sports, but I had my good games. No matter what I did, I was the one everyone blames. I remember one time, we were down by a lot, I went in and made every single basket I shot. We ended up winning that game and I was the cause. But no one said good job, they pointed out my flaws. That was the best game I ever had. But when I got home, I cried because I was sad. In high school, it happened the same way. I had the best football game I could ever play. But what they talked about was when I made one mistake. At my best, it still wasn't enough, I mean who did I forsake? In grade school I was so nervous I stuttered when I read aloud. I was nervous because they ridiculed me, so I was shy in the crowd. They also ridiculed me and said I was over weight. Maybe I did have a small gut, but I was only eight. When I was 23, I lost all my weight and my stomach was flat. But its sad, I never saw a skinny person in the mirror, I was always fat. Do you know what its like to have a self-image that is distorted? No matter how skinny I get, my minds will never support it. It feels like all my accomplishments in life are hollow. I just can't believe I still let it bother me, its hard to swallow.