Grieving I Think

Grieving? What do you do when you lose someone for who you feel you cannot mourn? Gone from your life and world, but still alive as the day they were born. Well I sadly lost my brother and though he did not die I'm forever asking myself an unanswerable why? Was it really something I did to get the coldest of your shoulders, I thought of you as my rock, thought of us as each others boulders. I think back when we were kids and each others best friends, I wasn't quite prepared for how that all came to an end. I have a guilt within the sadness cause most would say its not the same, comparing it to losing you to death has always seemed a little lame. The few times I have seen you, it was like seeing a ghost, A man I no longer know, a familiar shell with a very unfamiliar host, Completely ignoring my voice calling out to say: "I hope you figure out whats happening so our kids can meet and play...someday" I think I'm owed an explanation at least a simple breakdown of why I lost the best friend knew and I can't understand as much as i might try, Cause you're the only friend with whom I've lived, laughed and lied, gave up and cried, told and was told, let that slide. I don't know really what happened or at least the part that I had played in losing my older brother, hope we meet again one day, and it might not be the same, it might awkward at the start, but to have my older brother back would be good for my heart If you see this message, just give this a deep thought. remember all we went through and the fights we both fought. I had your back then and I have your back now I just need to know why and i need to know how?