Ghost Hunter

I don't see you. I've been searching my whole life, But still, I don't see you. When I was a wee lad I looked for you ... My mother's smile, My father's toil, My brother's refuge, My sister's amity ... I didn't see you. Thanksgiving, birthdays, Easter, Christmas ... oh, Christmas ... I looked everywhere with a diligent heart - The holiday magic, the city in lights, Santa, carols, gifts, family, The star, three kings, Baby Jesus ... I didn't see you. Shouldn't you have been there? Church, Sunday School, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, 4H Club, camp, YMCA, I didn't see you. I looked hard, eyes open to the sky, To the horizon, to The Book, to my soul ... Others saw you, said they did ... Clearly, closely, joyously, hopefully. But I didn't see you ... anywhere. "Look in your heart!" I looked, deeply .. "Fellowship, pray, follow, believe, Work, sing, talk, read, study, love, Learn, know, trust completely!" I did. I didn't see you. The rebel years ... Doing all I could to be trouble, or IN it, I just didn't care about naught but bad, (Well, pretended like I didn't). Did everything I was told NOT to, Tried almost anything at least once. Despite all, I still looked. I kept looking, always, (privately) ... Though it seemed I sought The Other ... I didn't see you. (I DID see him). I'd shock you, yes! I'd shame you into showing up! You'll HAVE to show, if for no other Reason but to save my sorry ass. Did all I could to be contrary And difficult and rebellious ... I made an art form of it, Trying to shock you into Showing up ... I didn't see you. Not one, single time. "Are you SAVED? Are you? Have you really ASKED?" Saved? From what? Me? Well, if that's what it takes ... OK, on my knees, publicly ... "Yes! I believe! Please enter IN!" Dunked in a tub, sent into "The World" Daily devotion and study, Daily fellowship, strong! A faraway land, all alone, Then another, scared, lost, Searching so diligently and hopefully. I didn't see you. Ever. Finally found a home, a place, A church that felt RIGHT and real. I trusted, believed that you Were surely there .. Good people, truthful people, Peaceful, happy, faithful people, Leading me, guiding me To find you, giving me the Righteous eyes to see you with! So faithful I was, daily ... I didn't see you. Then ... They broke my heart With the same old lies ... Their "truth" was money, ultimately, Possessions, stuff, clothes, cars, "HE wants to give us nice things Because others won't come to join us If they see us poor and wanting ... If we're blessed with a bounty Of nice things, if HE takes care of our Financial worries, people will SEE that, And want to come to our church! It's the teaching of prosperity!" What? WHAT?!? (Just when I was sure I'd see you). Could they hear themselves?? Did they hear the hypocrisy Of their words? They had seemed so pure, So righteous, so true, so loving ... Loving, yes ... loving money and mammon. BOOM!! Blown up! Completely ... Another church ... the same. Another, and another, and another ... The same ... "Prosperity". Pray for your finances, pray for Nice things, give us your money And He will solve your problems, Your bills will be paid ... Like magic!! I didn't see you ... Oh, I most certainly Did NOT see you. I thought I was close that time, But still no sign of you, not one. Ghosts. Phantoms. Lies ... I saw plenty of those, plenty. Clones, apparitions, copies, Fakes, dupes, impostors, They ALL looked like you. I moved back up north, Searching here, there, everywhere. Music, the Word, love, work, Work hard, very hard ... That's where you are, certainly, That's the path ... a different view, Different people, more honest, Realistic - not expecting anymore. Just be faithful, true, diligent ... Youth group, music ministry, Songwriting, work, hard work. You'll find ME, right? I didn't see you ... Not once. Look with your heart. Look in the right place. Look and trust ... always. Trust, trust, trust, trust. Look for others ... Look for peace ... Look for answers ... Look for reasons to NOT look. Stop looking? No ... Look anew, afresh, again. Sincerely, diligently, Honestly, confidently, Scrutinize, analyze, Conceptualize, agonize, Always looking, looking, Listening, too ... and looking. I didn't see you. Ever. "You MUST not be looking Correctly ... you must not Be trying hard enough ... You must not be living A truly faithful life ... He IS there for you!" You're there for me? Always ... they say so. The Book says so. My mentors say so. The happy people say so, And I want to be happy, too. My friends say so, My faithful friends say so. The saved people say so, The other searchers do. You've always been there I just needed to ask ... But I asked ... many times. You were not there. I didn't see you, Or FEEL you. I didn't hear your "voice" In my aching heart, But you MUST be there, They all say so ... I've been taught My whole life that you're there And always will be ... There for ME, always. But you are NOT there. You are not HERE. You are not ANYwhere that I have Looked or am looking now. (Yes, I STILL look, despite myself). I look at the children ... You must be there for them, yes? You MUST be with the children ... The sad, hungry, lost, lonely, Suffering, dying, raped, abused, Forgotten, murdered children ... Oh, my horribly broken soul, You are most surely NOT there ... You can NOT be there. Merciful, loving, kind?!? I don't see you ... Not a TRACE of you. (continued)