Friday of March 2019

It was a Friday when I first encountered a panic attack. I was sitting still and then I wasn't. I could feel my heart cracking. I swear I heard it break. I could also hear my body crying for help as it shook, slowly at first and with an alarming disturbance after. It was a Friday when I realized that I was lonely, wanting to cry but failing to even let my emotions out. My bones, now making their way up, in my throat, wanting to come out. I was prepared, I was ready, but I was also dying. It was a Friday when I first felt how desperation and loneliness have a thin line in between. I was desperate, I needed love, I also needed a human touch. It was a Friday when I lost all hopes of finding love as I slept alone through the night, tossing and turning, building up scenarios that might never happen. It was a Friday when I first encountered a panic attack, today is a year after and I still don't know how to deal with it.