Forgiveness

only survivors understand. others cannot seem to comprehend your feelings of anger of confusion of pain of blame, for yourself and for the antagonist. your entire body quivers with fear as the flashbacks slither their way into your thoughts. you shut your eyes, but that only allows the darkness to seep into your soul. you don't feel like the protagonist in the novel; you feel like the fool. embarrassment creeps in like the assaulter in the night, taking your most preserved gift, the one thing your tender body had full control over. the attack leaves you scared. scared of your own body. scared to open up to another. scared to trust. scared of lust. but trust me, darling. you aren't the only one. there are other survivors out there who are just like you. unique in the circumstance, same in the result. you may feel alone, but you're not. I'm here to tell you that the anxiety gets better. the attacker's eyes will start to fade from your memory and you will start to allow yourself the comfort of another person. you will start to open up and to trust and you will no longer be afraid of your own body. the wounds will form into scars. you will never be the same person again, but you will be created anew. you will find that the hardest person to forgive isn't the rapist. but the agony lies within you. do not let the awful action of another hold you hostage any longer. forgive yourself and you will free your soul.