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For J

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For J

For my Guru, who has NO idea how much he has done for me the past couple of weeks, without even trying. I SO owe him.

As I secretly wiped tears away
You knew down deep inside
That when I said the dreams had stopped
I'd spoke another lie

I tried so hard to find some strength
And in its place stood you
To hairy to be heaven-sent
I guess, more like a guru

You peeled away the covers
I was festering beneath 
Burrowed like a badger
Brushed not hair nor teeth

I wanted to stay hidden 
And to lick my wounds alone
But in the space of a few harsh days
I could feel how much I'd grown

And if I slipped back into black
You'd pick me up again
Taught me to ignore the storms
And try dancing in the rain

With you, there never was pretence
Of things I'll never be
For the first time, in a long time
I'm perfect being me. 

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