Fix My Mind

laying in bed at 11:42 pm and I cannot seem to funnel out the darkest thoughts my brain is racing a million miles an hour and no matter how hard I try no amount of tears will form a river to wash all of my regrets in I am often confused as to how turning the lights off can make spiders dance across the ceiling perhaps it's because the light switch on my wall is connected to the light switch in my mind because when one is flipped, so is the other my mind quickly becomes unorganized and it stumbles on thoughts like a drunken man slurs his words I close my door to block out the hallway light in an attempt to fall asleep, but once again for some reason my brain cannot distinguish itself from the physical matter in my house, so my mind closes a door as well it locks the handle and prevents all light from entering and any darkness from leaving and I'm unable to escape when I pull my curtains open and the sun wishes me a good morning by casting its light onto the floorboards I wonder why I was so scared the night before it must be because the curtains of my mind are opened and I can't help but wonder why I am connected to physical actions because everything I seem to do reflects in my brain despite having no mirror in sight and in the day my thoughts build a barrier with lots of windows that only welcome joy and the insanity of being whisked away by sadness in the middle of the night is almost laughable I do not comprehend why my brain feels the need to be a shapeshifter and conform to the earth's rotation because I think my life would be easier if it could learn to survive on its own but until then I will continue to try make my body my home so I can have a radiant garden for my mind to flourish in