Father Figure

The years have drug on since you died. I wish I could still remember the sounds of your voice, the memories of that died years ago. You're "fill in" came into my life seven years before your abrupt exit. I'm thankful he's stayed. I still ask myself why though... Why you couldn't find the strength to stay? You made it so hard, for my younger self, to live day to day. So many why's left unanswered. No closure, it nearly killed me. It still makes it difficult, even today. Not having that closure in all aspects of life has really had an affect on me. I've made it this far without you. I truly wonder how much worse it could have been if you still lived. You made me question everything, you made me hate myself, you made me wonder what made you want to die. How could you? Why did you leave me? I'll never know, that haunts me to the point of hating you. I forgive you, I truly do. I had to let you go, so I could live again and I've finally done so. I'm blessed to have a step dad that gives a d*mn. He is the father figure I never had in you, Dad. He never left me, he is mom's soulmate, he is my daddy, you are the dad that slipped through my fingers I miss you. I love you. I wish more than anything that suicide wasn't your fate.