Failed You

Mom lately cant help this uneasy feeling Its with self doubt that  I'm dealing I idea of you in any pain Making my mind go insane Why didn't I simply open my eyes how could I have been so blind? My heart is tore up Its really HURTING I envision you lying there Not wanting to be a burden It wracks me with grief guilt & despair What if u needed ME And I wasn't there? The idea that I could have Let you down in ANY way Would haunt me until My dying day I gladly would have done Anything to help you You were to proud to Ask me to It never once dawned on Me to check you inch by inch Was assuming capable hands You were in They were right there Why didn't I see the clues? Maybe could have saved you from just one more bruise Would you have been so  black & blue if someone would have Just spoken up for you?  God why did I back off instead of push through  Of all people I know the signs I know what to DO I wanted so badly to protect YOU Perhaps your poor swollen body wouldn't have been in that horrible condition If I would have took control  and MADE  someone LISTEN I had no idea to the extent  Of what was lurking beneath Needless  to say it knocked the wind out of ME Mom In some way I feel I failed you when you didn't have The strength to speak so drained of energy you were just to weak My WHOLE life you have carried me over life's jagged cliffs Now I am the one plagued with "what ifs?" I was trying to  let u have just a shred of dignity Looking  back now what has that gotten me? Just a life without YOU the definition of MISERY YOU were as always so beautiful brave and strong I am left wondering where did I go wrong? I tried my best with the l little that was shared  To Advocate for you  to show you how much I cared I deeply apologize If I let you down in anyway I wanted for once Be YOUR hero and save the day Dear Mom I LOVE you  Hope that you are ok To live my life wondering Is no way to be You are by far my lifes Fondest Memory My Angel fly away now and be pain FREE Know that EVERYDAY  Someone misses YOU that someones ME