Fading

Fading There he stood at my door Waiting for me to join him In the secret room I really didn’t know That it wasn’t for him that I was going He was being paid For me to please one of his friends Here I was six years old & Fading My best friend and I We knew each others pain Yet we never talked about it An unspoken understanding We both just wanted to forget about it She was my rock and I was hers She was my voice of reason I brought her out of her shell Now she is gone and I am Fading As more memories come crashing in Like intruders in the night They are capturing my thoughts Breaking my heart I feel like I am falling apart Out of control Voices in my head tell me to go But I don’t want to Even though I am Fading I still have a little fight in me I refuse to let go Maybe that is the strength my therapist Sees in me Even though I feel so weak Broken down and beaten I can’t even sleep As I am slowly Fading I try to smile I try to put on a happy face So the world won’t see The sadness inside Yet this depression is getting hard to hide I want to move on I want to find that happiness I once had a glimpse of It is hard to see though When I feel like I am Fading So here again I am flashing back This time I was seven I said I wouldn’t go to the room I wanted to play with my rabbit instead So my dad he walked over Picked up my rabbit and Snapped his neck Then told me I could play with him Instead I didn’t cry I knew better than that My heart was broken all the same And as I come back to the present I start to cry For a little girl I have hidden inside Then the voices get louder As I start Fading I want so bad to pick up the phone And call my grandma Lord knows she was more like a mom to me Then I remember She has passed on And although I really miss her I know she would want me to carry on Continue on my journey To find peace & serenity I know she wouldn’t want me to give in So I stand and fight Even though I feel like heck So sad and depressed I hate myself more than anyone else So maybe that is why I feel like I am Fading