Engrained To Shred and Become a New Me

Everyday I used to wake up and need weed, and I mean agonizingly ache tensing as I seek consuming my mind, just one goal to achieve nothing but this everyday on repeat once I succeed I'd chain smoke until I sleep wake up in the morning tired and grumpy slug through the day until I could smoke free living with one thought that never did cease no thought of the future or what I could be never aiming to progress or climb up the tree just happy at the bottom living blindly unambitious and thoughtless defining me I was made to think talent and brains succeed my god I was wrong, so very wrong indeed what idiot taught me to accept I can't lead and to follow instructions living happy beneath I watched some right tools move up cause they reached the unqualified with their brains like a peach calamity leaders present as they want to be seen sucking up yes men and the second human centipede I now know pure ignorance forms solid self belief and narcissistic right can perch your balcony high up beyond where your talent can reach and minds blag it better if they're addiction free so why in the hell did I turn to the weed? mother raised me to think I can't achieve now I'm under tools who have taken the lead and I'm chasing addictions being all I can be growing up to 18 and taking 18 to be free I'm 36 now and all addictions have ceased along with the mindset that my mother did teach a bit slow but ambitious and I'm done with defeat when you have addictions they are all you can see and you'll have addictions if you belong underneath now I'm unlearning what was engrained within me the idea of failure being my only way to succeed I was taught to be nothing and that's what I become you may be a mother but you're not fit to be a mum after raising your child with the belief he is dumb no longer aimless, addicted, suicidal and numb The lesson is encourage and just give it ago so what if kids fail, it's the way people grow don't fear your kids failure and make them aim low if you learn why you fail it's then knowledge you know mum you want me to need you and hold the hand on your arm want me beside you, the kid you control with your palm teach me to need you raising the anxiety alarm it's really cruel how your selfish need allows you to harm get out of my life, you have no child at all I think I'll attempt being successful you keep your negative that encouraged my fall you made me believe I could be bugger all