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Easy Elimination of Stupid People

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Below is the poem entitled Easy Elimination of Stupid People which was written by poet Elton Camp. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Easy Elimination of Stupid People

Easy Elimination of Stupid People 

By Elton Camp

(Note:  All these are paraphrases of actual product warnings)

For meeting this goal, the best way to go about
Just remove warning labels, let it sort itself out
From the stupid, what could we expect
If these actual dangers they didn’t detect

The bottle of Windex wisely does advise
“Do not spray this product into your eyes”
Lack of this warning would give a thrill:
“Don’t use this rotary tool as a dental drill”

To admonish, Liquid Plummer does choose
“This bottle to store beverages don’t reuse”
On a bottle filled with hair dye:
“As ice cream topping, don’t try”

Zantac 75 urges users make no mistake:
“If allergic to zantac, do not take”
Bic lighter says safety please embrace:
“Always ignite lighter away from face”

So that earplug users may have no gripe:
Breathing hampered if caught in windpipe”
Cautions the mattress on which you wallow:
“Warning:  Do not attempt to swallow”

The pepper spray most sagely does advise:
“Caution, never spray into your own eyes”
On the automobile windshield shade:
“To drive with this in place is forbade”

Perhaps elsewhere such things are not said
All of these, in the USA, have been read
With the subject, I am not through
Keep on the watch for the write of part two

Copyright © Elton Camp

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  1. Date: 8/8/2013 8:05:00 AM
    i'm looking forward to the follow-up. this is very funny and i'm sure it's true!

    Camp Avatar Elton Camp
    Date: 8/8/2013 9:36:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    When we want to wash the throw rugs on the back porch, we take them to a coin laundry where there's a huge commercial machine. A metal plate attached to the washing machine cautions: "Do not place any person inside this machine." I suppose parents who are there to wash clothes are disappointed that they can't get their kids washed up at the same time! : )