Dying To Live Again

I am lying on the bed with abscess in my rear and wrapped in white clouds of fear. The nurse was flashing an animated smile but I am sombre like I am on a trial. I see her as an angel of death in her gown I fear in the 'red devil' I will drown. Having chemotherapy, radiation and then tamoxifen, I want to ask God, 'what is my sin?' Outside, the sun is shining but inside, I am whining. The leafy trees are dancing in the breeze, and me going, 'Help me Oh! God, please'. Clusters of hair falling on my hands, deep in the gorge my confidence lands. My breast, my hair, my jolly banter, robbed by the invisible thief called cancer. I wonder what is this thing called cancer, cutting, slicing into human flesh like a butcher. Debilitating, decimating, injecting exhaustion, deadly effect has this treatment potion. In the mirror I see a bald, fat-chested woman, my stocky body makes me look like an ancient Roman. How have I changed unbelievably from a gorgeous damsel, my long locks and lovely looks made many a man mental. That was yesterday when cancer gave me the scars, today I believe that only when its dark, you see the stars. No more am I afraid of the dreaded 'c' I am standing tall and erect like a tree. I have now resolved that I will continue fighting, each and every cell in my body is rioting, Death stares me in the face, but in vain, because I am dying to live again, live again. Today my vision is clear and I am looking ahead, I am not the type to give up and stay in bed. I have defeated cancer and know that anyone can, Even 'cancer' itself contains the word 'can'.