Disorientation

DISORIENTATION Me always disoriented both in real life and in dream land. Simple stupidity follows me : Feeling embarrassed to admit my road sense is not nil but negative. I get puzzled, even going to our local market and very often I am misguided to choose false direction, as if put in a maze ! Basically I carry street nervousness throughout life. To board wrong bus or train not to find out exact address even for known places is very common happenstance in my journeys. I feel uneasy to travel alone. By nature I am smart, also recognised so by my friends and associates. Yet I am not comfortable to go to an unknown place on my own. I behave straightforward, never shy. My sister eleven years younger than me is too introvert. When I was twenty two, l started for interviews to get job. I used to take my sister of half age of mine with me, though that was an extra burden to escort a minor girl. In most familiar places generally I have no confusion. I walk free aiming to a fixed purpose . But I can’t walk single, leisurely without any need. A strange depressive feeling embowers me : Is there none to accompany me ! Am I alone ! Then I feel sick. This disorientation is very awkward and has no explanation in my life style. I was daily passenger in train during my college life and also regularly availed of train and bus when in service and faced frequent problems. In my dream land I always target a wrong destination. I never found out way to be back to my own home. It is so scary, I get lost almost in every night. In dream land I am bound to go to some place. Inevitably I had to roam indefinite and in vain tried and tried failing to select right transport or right direction. This type of night mare is my life long companion. I get relief only when I wake up from dream. Reaching last phase as I am analysing my bygone days, I have found out all failures as endured or incorrect decisions taken sprouted from misconceptions caused by disorientation of brain ! I am rational, analytic holding strong self confidence Yet I suffer from some disorder, some sort of improper function of thought process originating from this unexplained disorientation.