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diary of a great depression

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Below is the poem entitled diary of a great depression which was written by poet lee dobson. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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diary of a great depression

At my own admission I've grown black hearted, Find it hard to cry for the dearly departed. I've started with myself and made no difference...
my reflection ain't healthy I've been plagued by ignorance. An insignificance to that shown by my people offering deliverance. 
Belligerent my mind state, no room for benevolence. I'm gonna times fate by two and make my own destiny. Remember without you there is no me!! 
Contemplation on occassion as and when neccasary, no abrasions mental and or physical. Raisin like im spiritual on the mountian gazin like im quizical, I ain't doubtin I been dazin lyrical too busy blazin that's not critcal. Don't be phazin past the miracle. 
Far from superior closer to inferior goes some way to explaining why my message isn't clear to ya. Far from delirious nah man, this is serious!
Remains 2 be seen weather its imperious. Far from laughin this materialistic gapping will drive us appart and continue trappin. 
Can't be scared to talk bout it. We're conditioned in a way in which we doubt it. 
So in ya face its a disgrace. I need a bit of saving grace. Saving face be paving waste, am I misbehaving as lm gaining pace? The blames in place and its plain in taste. We can only learn if we share with eachother!
Sounds disearning coming from a non-veteran brotha, discova the soul ja in me. I ain't on the front line wouldn't want to be. What they fightin for!? Territories, minerals to fuel our principles. I'd like to appoligise for being so cynical. This is a perfect time to take an interval.

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  1. Date: 8/29/2012 4:47:00 AM
    Thanks man, appreciate that and i agree. and yeah should have been diary lol

  1. Date: 8/19/2012 5:07:00 AM
    Lee, I do get your intention, this is just my opinion, you are right it does need re-working into seperate stanza's, near the beginning you use the 'two' then further on you use the number 2, I think this detracts from the poem I would never use 2 in a poem, you have some very fine content but it gets a little lost in this format and is the title meant to read 'Diary'? I think with a little re-working you have the makings of a fine poem, just my two cents, good luck...David

  1. Date: 8/18/2012 4:39:00 PM
    this needs reworking, kinda did it in a rush.. Do apoligise if you have read this allready. My phone won't allow me to edit it, so will have to wait till monday when i can get to the library