Despair Trigger

I'm thinking I have a disease Despair has gripped me by my feet Dragged me down to the cold floor And used me until I couldn't take it anymore I found a cure to eternal life Slower and longer than a rusty knife But it hits me just the same Cauterized with a smoky flame My throat is burning Fingers turning Over a lighter and a smoke And my brow is soaked How long til something finally breaks? How long until it's more than I can take? I'm too exhausted to even talk I'm being worn down like the smoothest rock I try to strike the match again Burned my fingers and my smoky brain A sudden fear comes back to me Won't you come help me lose my memory? It's getting easier To fail to please her, My addiction to despair Is stronger than for air I'm a victim of my own design I am my own executioner I'm a victim of my own design I am my own worst enemy