Deja-Vu
I hear the ticking of the clock
I don’t know how much longer I can face this walk
I hear the sirens flaring in my ears
I look way back a couple of years
I see childhood faces of kids growing up
I see the first time ever I got my very own pup
I hear all the words kids used to tell me
I’m completely chained down without being free
I hear the evil laughs echoing in my ears
I see the frustration, pain, and fright from all these years
I slowly seep in this everlasting lie
I pray to roll over and just die
The footsteps they creep up and down the hall
While my disfigured body crumbles against the wall
The black and blue slowly climb over my face
Beaten alive by my very own race
Blacken tears crawl desperately down my cheeks
I feel like I haven’t slept for weeks
My soul’s been stolen and there’s nowhere to run
I can’t believe how I could have been so dumb
He’s in my face screaming as loud as his lungs allow
Wearing nothing around my body but a bloody bath towel
I listen to his degrading words echoing in my mind
I’ve gotten myself in this eternal bind
When he raised his hand the first time, I should have been gone
But he told me he’d change--I guess he was wrong
Almost four years now and I realize
If I stayed longer, I could have been dead or paralyzed
So I sit here and think about what happened then
I sit here and realize I finally did win
I got away alive and well
From my forsaken, stalking, hell
I’ve moved on now and I’m stronger
I’m glad this test wasn’t any longer
Surrounding myself with opened eyes
No more asking myself all the why’s
Understanding now that there were no intentions of change
So blind then--body derailed and deranged
Self-esteem still extremely low
But now I’ve experienced it and now I know
So almost four years later and sit and rethink
About the times when my pirate ship did sink
But I’m still not the only one
So many battered women under our sun
Every now and then the Deja-vu slips in
But I simply remember the one time I did win
Copyright © Holly Knoles | Year Posted 2011
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