Defeated

My soul was broken and battered The pieces of who I am left scattered For years I battled to find the real me With pain written on my face for all to see Addiction is an affliction And it makes peace just fiction Snow rains on my heart In a world that tries to rip it apart So just know I have no plan When I come to you a broken man My eyes are full of tears And my heart is full of fears Will I ever find out who I truly am Or continue living this sham In the face of a world that doesn't give a damn I'm just God's lost lamb I just want to feel like I matter But if I was run over and a blood splatter Would anyone see the person I yearned to be Or is death all that can set me free My heart is black as coal But genuine love could make me whole But I don't deserve it So it leaves me in a fit Life's silence is the real answer After two decades maybe I am the cancer Maybe I am a villain to be hated But was that truly always fated I'm so tired of trying I'm so tired of crying My will to live is frying And perhaps dying My nights are filled with nightmares And it feels like nobody cares I lost so much along the way And I'll be honest I'm not okay When death seems like bliss I await the Grim Reaper's kiss Life is a raw deal And nothing seems real