Daddy's Hand: Images

Big hands of this man Who I remember as a child? Growing up in and at a time, When real men were fathers then. Supporting that family, no matter what, Working their fingers to the bone Trying to provide even in tough times. Images of that man fall short in memory Cloudy through a time when this man Went AWOL on his family Leaving us, better yet leaving him behind. The only memory of him is a letter From a court ordered payment and Photographs of distant memories Foggy but not forgotten. My memories were 11 1/2 years short One-year shy of beginning manhood My changes coming naturally With an absent man in my life physically. I used to walk around I used to walk around say--- "I ain't got no daddy!" He was absent from my life, And now I'm absent from his life. The images of him follow me like a mirror, it's like right there Starring back at me Unaware that image of him Is that the very image of me? But only, only in the younger self. Something my wise grandma told me That stuck with me all my days, All my years even until now That, "no matter what, he's still your daddy." Deep in my heart there was anger Anger toward him for leaving me Going AWOL on your family At any giving moment even in my lifetime Yet that anger was still there, Grandma's words echoed deep inside my soul And ringing in my ears so loud Until I wonder if her words are true. Even then, I wonder deep inside of me But as time went onward, My years is getting older and older My respect for that man Who I call daddy? Only by name he's that But until then I respect him My daddy who I love even now. Big hands of this man Who I now know? Even through years of re-knowing him In spite of feelings past I must look forward and celebrate Celebrate this man who I call my daddy. Big hands of this man The years are showing on him now, The hair that once was black was whitened Of years he collected through time.... June 2004