Culinary Crises

All right you stupid ornery little egg This has gone JUST about far enough I order you to peel this very second! Why? Could you just tell me why? After all I did for you too Placed you carefully in cold water (Along with seven of your little buddies) Turned the heat on ever so gently Added a a half cup of vinegar Bought you to a nice healthy boil Let you have a good soak for 20 minutes Ran soothing, cool water over you Cracked your little booty open SO gently And what, What do I get in return? A whole lotta heartache that's what! Well how does THIS feel ya little... How's it feel to be SMashed on-the-FLOOR And GRound into the TILE with my heel and... No wait! Did I? Oh no I didn't do... It was an accident I swear to GOD it was! I get these weird muscle spasms ya know? Does this mean no deviled eggs today? I'm devastated and TOTALLY crushed And it’s obvious that you are too Hope this doesn’t get back to your mom...