Countdown

On the 10th day of Christmas - I didn't have a true love. I burned my knee caps with cigarette butts. On the 9th day of Christmas - I reminisced about the death of John Lennon and watched re-runs of Gunsmoke. On the 8th day of Christmas - I called my cell phone 8 times because I was lonely and needed to hear a familiar voice. On the 7th day of Christmas - I fell asleep in St. Patrick's cathedral and didn't drink from the baptismal font. On the 6th day of Christmas - My best friend passed away. I saved his Bloomingdale's gift-receipt. On the 5th day of Christmas - I watched the movie: "It's A Wonderful Life." I simultaneously laughed at my own. On the 4th day of Christmas - I woke up and opted to eat stale fruitcake Shards of broken Christmas ornaments adorned my flesh. On the 3rd day of Christmas - Was the 3rd day of Christmas. I burned my Advent calendar while drowning in a scotch-bath. On the 2nd day of Christmas - I prayed for nonsensical, spiritual guidance. No one, of any importance, heard me. On the last day of Christmas - I purchased myself a rifle. I found it unnecessary to re-read the instructions.