Consumation of a Suicidal Fantasy

I can't find the sleeping pills tonight. So, I try to swallow a bottle of vitamins, But they are so big that I might choke, And I'm afraid to die. Every ledge is a spring-board to paradise, Or a path straight to hell. Either way, I'm afraid of heights, And I'm afraid to die. The end is the edge of a razor blade, I'm in hot water and, I think of cutting. But I hate blood and blood clots, And I'm afraid to die. I find some rope. I go to the cellar and hang myself But, I guess the ceiling isn't high enough, And I'm afraid to die. On the platform I wait for a ride to nowhere, The solution is under the speeding train. But I stop thinking because I'm scared -- And I'm afraid to die. Either way, I am a coward: Too scared to live, Too scared to die. But in my dreams I am a hero Whose death seems to faze all, But affect none.