Confession

It has been quite a while since I have opened my heart; To feel these emotions just tears me apart; I think I was a child, about nine years old; When I closed my eyes as my heart turned cold; I would tell you the reason if I really knew why; I was not beaten, no one close to me died; I hear how bad life was for the ones I hold close; They tell me bad stories and tell me of their ghosts; They don't understand why I need them at all; They can't comprehend why I cry in the hall; Well maybe it's time to tell you my ploy; See, deep inside I'm still that nine-year-old boy; I cry when I'm yelled at, I cry when I'm hurt; I cry for attention when I feel just like dirt; I watch other people and I know how to act; I just keep moving forward and I never look back; I get to the top and there is no place to go; I didn't realize my life has been one giant show; I don't know who I am now, and I can't find my reason; I no longer belong here, it's no longer my season; I don't have a calling, not anymore; I'm still that little boy, trying to open the door.