Coming Out

Coming Out By Jan Beaumont © I may very well start a new diet  I think it's a good thing to do Let's face it, I've been a bit naughty And my figure is showing it too! The trouble is, which one to follow? Each one of them's worked in the past The only thing is, for the program to work You've got to make sure it'll last! How long will it take is the biggie Can you lose 40 pounds in a week? Can I still have my booze if I've got lots to lose? If not then the future looks bleak. I've lost thousands of pounds in my lifetime  I've lost inches from every place If I think I'm so clever  Then why can't I ever Not have a big fat about-face? I've tried some incredible diets Some mainstream and some a bit ***** Had so many beans on the F Plan I was truly not nice to be near! And Weightwatchers worked for a long time I joined about 10 times you see They had so many records in so many names And they didn't twig all those were me! Tried pre-packaged food, and I liked it The meals were so easy to heat But the big problem here, as it soon became clear It was just too expensive to eat! Who comes up with all of these diets? Which one should I choose is the question Is it Paleo, Atkins, Dukan or South Beach? No wonder I've got indigestion. I could name oh so many new food plans Cabbage soup didn't go down too well It's true it was highly nutritious  But I just couldn't live with the smell! The Mediterranean Diet Was so healthy and really looked fine So I couldn't believe that I gained fifteen pounds Do you think it could be all that wine? And then there's the mad Werewolf Diet You fast through a full or new moon Decided I didn't want hairs on my chest Won't be trying that any time soon! Went keto and was quite successful Low carb seemed a great way to go It became automatic and I was ecstatic My hip bones were starting to show! But nothing with me lasts forever  And I put it all back, even more Though I felt so ashamed no one else could be blamed So I'm fasting ... oh no, what a bore! Who knows when this lockdown will finish And I'll finally have to come out I'd better pull finger, theres no time to linger I'll feel so deprived there's no doubt. So I'll go and get my big girl panties Pull them up, get a grip, knuckle down I'll ziplock my mouth when it's not time to eat Then I'll see you ... back out ... on the town!