Close My Eyes

I close my eyes just to look at you Ignore the smoke and create the vision I think I should have of you Then the smoke rises And I have to open my eyes Just to squint out the teats Now the vision of you I created Is blurred by saltwater. No, this is not the ocean. We are not sailors. I wish it would dry up. I'm writing music for my head to hear To fill the spaces I never heard you say I love you And I'm not even musically-talented. My brain is just so empty without the fake-tunes. On the days I can't write my own music or sing my own song, I forget there was music at all since the beginning of time, And I pretend that emptiness is a normal feeling Out of the hollow spaces Might come something magical. Maybe once silence was golden But in my world silence rots like unwanted apples Till the stench grows rank with decay And I decide my obnoxious cymbals Are better than no sound at all. I crank up the volume to drown out the world But they don't seem to notice They are the reason for my distance--not me! I've painted over the window to my house Now the only light that gets through Is just intrusive But I don't have the courage to draw the curtains So some pesky light always creeps Playing the savior.