Cliff of Dissidence

Staring into the glass in the still dark of night I can't see anything, pitch black, yet I know I caught a glimpse of your smile. Banging in my head never ceases fire, but I force quiet time in to regain the sight Because I know you're out there as the tiny bits of life left behind absorb your style. Won't you stay with me for just a little while? You were just too young, too naive, too innocent. Your laugh, still as sweet as a sugar plum fairy's, comforts me in exile. I laugh only as a means to cushion my fall from the cliff of dissidence. Days turn to weeks, to months, to years, as I imagine his height. I work again and again and again trying to envision his profile. The man, the monster, the beast who took you from me, took my life's first light. I'll kill him! I swear I'll kill him if my hands get the grasp of his neck till lifeless tactile. To feel the last breath leave that body so vile! Constructed plans like a composer for Death's orchestra, blades and fists my instruments. I don't know who, but I'll pace and embrace your angelic face in the meanwhile. Trying to cushion my fall from the cliff of dissidence. If I was there in the last moments to hold you, tell you it's alright If I had walked you home, he wouldn't have had a body to defile. If I was there now I'd hug you ferociously with all my might. If you were here now could you forgive me, would we reconcile? To think I won't even get to walk you down that blissful wedding aisle. To see you in a white dress of lace so intricate. That self-loathing bastard doesn't even deserve the right to a trial. Words I just mumble to my lonesome as I cushion my fall from the cliff of dissidence. My darling girl, I still sit by the phone as if you could reach and dial. Each day is worse than the next in our family's house, your old room, my imprisonment And I'm sure by now you may think I've gone senile, Do you think I can cushion my fall from this cliff of dissidence?